Santa’s loading his sleigh with candy canes for those who made us proud this year and bags of coal for those who didn’t. Here’s a peek at my naughty-and-nice list:
Fired FBI Director James Comey: Played us for fools saying he still doesn’t know who paid for the dirty dossier his snakes used to go after President Trump. Now he admits he dispatched slimy Strzok to interview Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn without a lawyer present tainting the integrity of the Justice Department. Santa, start shoveling!
Michael Avenatti: When the huckster wasn’t using a porn Ho-Ho-Ho to go after the prez, he was representing loons who accused poor Brett Kavanaugh of partaking in gang rape parties in high school. The claims that were so outrageous even the anti-Trump FBI wouldn’t investigate. Add to it the media hog got arrested for alleged domestic violence. Clearly he’s no Snow Angel.
Fake News Media: When they’re not fabricating “sources” or making up stories to smear the White House, they’re playing the “Trump’s mean to us” victim card. With 95 percent negative media coverage of the president — despite a strong economy and historically low unemployment — Santa’s elves know honest journalism is melting faster than Frosty the Snowman in August!
Sen. Elizabeth Warren: For claiming minority status when her own DNA test says she may only be 1/1024th Native American! Face it Liz, you’re as white as snow.
Jeff Sessions: Arguably Trump’s worst hire not only recused himself unnecessarily from the Special Counsel Inquisition, he didn’t drain the swamp or restore trust in the DOJ. No doubt we would’ve been better off if Mr. Magoo spent the year tinkering in Santa’s workshop instead!
Hillary Clinton: First Bubba’s bride kept Trump Derangement Syndrome going full throttle. Now the two-time loser refuses to go away while the rest of us would be A-OK if she and Monica’s ex moved to the North Pole — for good!
Twitter and Facebook: No Christmas cookies for the Silicon Valley operations that spent the year censoring conservatives while allowing left-wing users– many who spew vulgarities or worse — to remain on its platforms. Even Comet, Prancer and the crew are ready to log off!
Sen. Dianne Feinstein: Deserves a hefty coal drop for sitting on unfounded allegations of sexual misconduct against Kavanaugh for weeks unbeknownst to Congress, causing a salacious spectacle only Vixen could approve.
Michael Cohen: Who needs “Access Hollywood” when your own lawyer secretly tapes conversations? Trump’s former attorney makes Linda Tripp look like a gal’s best friend.
President Trump: Delivered on many of his campaign promises. Whether that’s jobs, tax cuts or immigration reform our Tweeter in Chief deserves a candy cane that’s “Bigly.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham: Went “Beast Mode” during the Kavanaugh hearings. He lashed out against Democrats who tried to destroy a man’s life over unsubstantiated allegations. Santa knows we need more men like him fighting for truth, justice and the American way.
First Lady Melania Trump: Represented our country on the world stage with grace, dignity and compassion —especially for children. No doubt all the reindeer have crushes on the fashionable stunner.
Rep. Devin Nunes: Did excellent work shedding light on the Justice Department’s rogue ways. Our country needs more whistleblowers like him exposing the truth.
Volunteers in Merrimack Valley: When crisis hit with the gas explosions they delivered thousands of meals to those affected.
Mass. Gov. Charlie Baker: The Republican governor was easily reelected due to solid leadership and bipartisanship. What more can we ask for?
Merry Christmas everyone!