U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch: For secretly meeting with Bill Clinton on the tarmac days before the FBI interviewed his wife, Hillary Clinton, over those pesky emails. Lynch should’ve remained impartial, but instead gave the appearance she was “in the tank” with Democrats, thereby tainting the integrity of the Justice Department. Santa, start shoveling!
Donna Brazile: Interim chair of Democratic National Committee fed CNN debate questions to Hillary Clinton throwing Bernie Sanders under the bus. It’s no wonder many don’t trust the media — or politicians. With cheats like this, do you blame them?
Mitt Romney & #NeverTrumpers: Throughout the election they didn’t respect the will of the people. Instead they tried to block Donald Trump’s path to the White House at any cost. Now many are begging for jobs. Sad!
The DNC: They got caught red-handed rigging the primary against Bernie in the WikiLeaks dump. Santa will be dumping coal on the DNC’s doorstep hoping they get the message: play fair or move to the North Pole!
FBI Director James Comey: For bungling the email investigation from start to finish. Both sides of the aisle would’ve been better off if Comey spent the year making toys in Santa’s workshop instead.
Secretary of State John Kerry: For telling us the chemicals coming out of our refrigerators are more dangerous than ISIS. Even Prancer, Vixen and Donner aren’t this out of touch.
U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren: For not endorsing Sanders, her socialist brethren. Had Warren lent her star power to the Vermont senator, there’s a real chance progressives could’ve kept the White House. Now Santa might have to buy some legalized weed to cope.
Pollsters & Pundits: For getting the presidential election completely wrong, proving elitist analysts should eat some crow. I mean coal.
Donald Trump: For pulling off the upset of the century. He took out 16 GOP rivals then the Queen, despite having media in the tank for Hillary. Candy Canes coming to Trump Tower … I mean the White House.
Hillary Clinton: For making history. Politics and scandals aside, she broke glass ceilings for women and young girls everywhere. Santa’s impressed.
U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz: For being right. Obamacare is a disaster. He warned us years ago of skyrocketing costs and diminished choice. Santa’s sleigh is heading to Texas for a sugar drop.
VP-elect Mike Pence: He’s an even keel in stormy seas. Billy Bush tape? Pence steadied the ship. Tweeting rants? Pence didn’t blink. Trump’s non-politically correct comments — or should we say grenades? Pence stayed classy and calm through it all. Mrs. Claus is blushing.
Democratic voters & Sanders supporters: The ones who kept their heads down and pulled the lever for the only candidate fighting for the forgotten working man. Candy canes coming … I mean jobs.
Melania Trump: For putting family first. Despite a presidential election she chose to make her young son her focus vs. hitting the campaign trail. She could’ve easily bathed in the spotlight, but instead made Barron her priority. Parenting is our most important job.